Holy Words For Earth

Despair fills the room.

It is as though you are blind

unable to see my light.

With your Spirit in a bind

and the pain, a unique kind,

you ask to be released.

Who is the one who releases you?

What is it that they must do?

Must they fight a demon?

Must they cast the past away?

What is it for you that you need to see?

What is it for you, for you to be set free?

Tell me, and it will be delivered today.

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Wipe me clean

Let all that is seen

In darkness

Be light

God, allow me to borrow your strength, your might

In that I might become more like you

Strong like you

Clear minded like you

Open hearted like you

Let me be yours

Let me be strength

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My brothers and sisters are in the grip of the devil and I call on my Father to save them. My Father is a being of pure love and light. My Father is a being of great strength and might. I cannot live to see more suffering on this earth without taking action in the light any longer. I’ve gotten stronger and it is time for the world to see it. I have a voice, and it is time I release it. Let peace and joy be heard among all nations.

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I’ve been gifted with holy rage

I see the world around me in fear

Let me be clear

We must connect more

We must explore the hearts and minds of others

We are sister and brothers

Why are we afraid of one another?

Why are afraid?

To Every Personality I Have Ever Clung To

To every personality I have every clung to, thank you.

You come into my world

A beautiful girl

A talented girl

Wise girl

Strong girl

Girl who works out

Girl who loves smoothies

Girl who loves dating

Girl, girl, girl

I can try forever to be one

but, I’m not.

I’m waking up to all that I am beyond all of the personalities, a reality where I am liberated from being “myself”.

Being “myself” has been painful, exhausting, thrilling, exciting, a journey I have loved deeply, but finally

life takes me into this new moment without any concept of who I am.

No vision to live into, but the vision of full expression of the self that is here in this moment

there is no need for me to be anyone I am not

and no expectation to return into who I once was.

Here I am

a person

a soul occupying a body

new

bright

and I might never feel this way again

or I might feel this way all the time.

The point is that in this moment, I’m not controlling anything. I’m let off. Released. Broken, like the egg shell that holds the golden yolk.

We would starve, if we never let ourselves get devoured, and transformed.

Writing Without Personal Thought

Ah. Finally, a breath. What if I didn’t put any thought into an entire work of writing? What if I truly, fully let it all come out and allowed it to just be so? What would I have? Well, I would have something like what is here right now. What is here right now is a reflection of what is inside of me in this moment. Is that true? That these words were inside me at a time? Or is it possible that these words are already on the page, and I just happen to be the key to revealing them? Who is to say that the page is not inside of us, as are the words? In my imagination, I can see a page with words written in invisible ink. Perhaps the writing that is being done in this moment is happening in that way. It’s already written, I am just coming along and using my light to expose what has always been. Every blank page holds space for multiple possibilities. The possibility that comes into being, what is that dependent on? Focus? Intention? The one who is with the blank page? Now, things are getting difficult. I am so proud of the damn invisible ink metaphor thing that I am thinking again. I even thought about writing “I am thinking”. I just read in a book today that we don’t think, that thinking happens to us. Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth, was the source of that. If thinking is happening to me, who is causing the thinking to happen in this way? If thinking happens to me, wouldn’t that mean that something that is not me is thinking for me? That must be what it means to be free of thought, to have nothing thinking within you. I ask for guidance before I continue on. I wish to write from that special place beyond thought, and I know I can. I connect with spaces beyond thought with my breath and with thought itself. It’s funny to me that we transcend thought through thought. Someone must have had the thought some day, “I want to sit in silence,” and that sitting led to being and that being was beyond thought. Does thought proceed everything? Or are there some things that just come into being, without thought at all? When I find myself quite thought-less I don’t make much sense, I’m less dense, out of tense, meaning past present and future. I have confidence in this skill of mine, I often see success in my future. I would hope that this piece of writing would be entertaining, I believe that it is. My one challenge is with where to send my work, or how to even send it in. I can do all of this in the moment. I can do it anywhere, with anyone. I can even speak like this, it doesn’t have to necessarily be typed. Anyways, I’m talented. Cool. What about you? Where do you feel most called to place your energy? Time is valuable, a hot commodity. Now, it’s difficult to stop rhyming, as you can see. I prefer my writing to write itself, it’s so much more fun that way. Sometimes I write with the writing, for example, when I said “so much more fun”, back a few words, a voice inside said “1000 times more fun”. However my body just typed so much more. What is that inner conflict? How curious I am about that. It is fascinating to me that I can hear from inside of my body, yet, my body can act in a way that is different than what I hear. I’m not so sure that words exist for the experience I am having. I don’t believe that anything is private. It can’t be. If I can hear my own thoughts, there must be something or someone else hearing them too. And if I consider what Mr. Tolle wrote about thoughts, this experience inside of me seems to be even more fascinating. When I say me, I am referring to my body. However, I am not 100% certain that thought truly occurs inside of my body. It seems that it is, but not everything is as it seems. When I breathe deeper and focus on where these words come from. Wow. I just did. Sound slowed down. I don’t know how else to share. I started this piece of writing with a question “What if I didn’t put any thought into an entire work of writing?” In this moment, I must correct myself because there has been a lot of thought here. I believe that the question could be evolved to be around my ability to produce a piece of writing without thought. Perhaps I will write in this way more often, to see if as I practice pure creation, flow of action without thought, my writing will change. Maybe, people will find that exciting to witness. This is my first time doing this, and I would enjoy doing it again. To clarify, what I am doing is just writing, there is no purpose or topic. However, it seems that part of me is determined to fashion some sort of objective, audience, topic, and goal. I find that interesting. I would like to just write, but that doesn’t seem entirely possible. As I’ve gone further and further on, it seems to be more and more challenging not to think. Suddenly, I want this creation to be good. I’m wondering where or when it will be read, and by who. I didn’t have those thoughts earlier in time, where I had only just written “ah. Finally a breath.” When I began, there was no inner voice present, and now, there is an inner voice reading each word with me as I am typing. Is is possible that my inner experience has become one with the outer experience? Should I allow myself to release judgement of this change I am witnessing? It seems there are two choices now in front of me: to analyze the inherent positivity and negativity of the new experience of the inner voice in conjunction with the outer creation of words on paper or to ignore whether it is good or bad and just choose to experience. I always breathe before I make choices. There is an energy present within me that is curious about the experience of the creation of this piece of writing. Is it good that I am reading each word that I type as I type it? Is this anxiety? Is this just anxiety pushed out? Has this been inside of me? All I can think now is wow… good thing I practice meditation. Imagine what the inside of my mind would be like without it! Should I be on meds? No. Immediately no. I love science. Pharmacy is both intellectually thrilling and satisfying to me, however I do not wish to have any products of pharmacy in my body. If my mind is insane, let it live on doing so. I want to experience me. Whatever happens… I think I scared myself. The experience is changing again. “Why don’t you just breathe Christina?” I hear. That’s my intuition, I’m sure of that. Okay, I will just breathe. Well, kinda hard to just breathe when I’m writing. I don’t want to take one second away from this very important work that I am doing to ‘just breathe’. Namaste grinding. Just kidding. Five minutes of breath work. Sign me up. This work could use more presence and deeper awareness, it’s getting weird and not the kinda weird I enjoy. This voice inside of me doesn’t seem to want the worst for me. It seems to want to live life as me. It’s 1:08 AM and I can’t get enough of life. Writing without personal thought. I think that is a more accurate description of this project. I would say that those 2 sentences came from me only because it was silent inside when I wrote them. But, other times when I write, I can hear the words before I write. I used to think that I was hearing God, now I wonder, am I hearing ego? What is the difference if any, between God and ego? God has created ego? Or is ego an expression of God? We all have a voice inside our mind. For some people it may come in different sounds or volumes. For some people this voice may only ever sound like their own voice. I wish I could know right now, what yours was like. Mine sounds like me, for now. Sometimes after I’ve listened to someone talk, my inner dialogue is just like their voice. Sometimes, that scares me. I definitely have some attachment to hearing my own voice in my mind. It’s comforting. Written word is unique in that way, compared to audiobooks, video content, or podcasts. When word is written, we can read in our own inner voice. When word is spoken to us, we don’t have that choice. Or is that choice an illusion? Mr. Tolle wrote that we don’t think, thinking happens to us. Would it be true to then say that we don’t talk to ourselves? Could it be that talking happens to us? Who are we? Really? If we aren’t the ones who are thinking and we aren’t the ones who are speaking, who is? And if this piece of writing is coming from thought that is happening to me, who is writing this book? I am.

Why did I want to live without thought so badly? Things just seemed to be easier that way. That’s not true. What’s true is that I am a person who likes to be “good”. I have always been the “good girl”. I have this idea in my mind that it is good to live life without thought, that thought is harmful to spirit. It has always been my wish to be as close to spirit as I can.

God and Us

It’s me again.

Here

standing in front of the mirror

looking at her.

“I am ugly,” I think to her.

The next thing I think to myself is about hair.

I look with eyes that wish it to be different, I wished the hair would look ‘better’.

And in that thought, for just a moment, I watch myself turn away from the Love that I know I have for me.

One moment away from Love, is one moment too many.

As I open myself to receive Truth, the One voice within me is here.

“What if you’re tearing down someone else’s beautiful?” The voice says.

“What?” I ask.

“What if later, when you walk down the street, this hair is the most beautiful hair that someone else has ever seen?

And here you are, denying that.”

What if I’m tearing down someone else’s beautiful?

Something shifted.

What if I was tearing up God’s beautiful?

By God’s grace, this body I am existing in has been formed.

Who was I to question His artistry?

Many of my friends in my life have told me that I was beautiful and I have always been told wonderful compliments. My family thinks I am beautiful too. God shares delight with me, about the body He created for me.

To continue to participate in this criticism towards the physical beauty of this body was to choose to fight against the thoughts and words of my friends and family. That would hurt. What would hurt more, would be to deny God’s perspective of me.

A battle against the most loving perceptions I know, is a battle I no longer entertain.

It was time to stop allowing this mind to receive words that have never truly been said to me before. I had to stop putting hatred of myself on repeat, and love in the backseat. I wanted to start listening, really listening to God, and His Holy Truth.

Was the voice inside of me that wanted my hair to change worth believing?

What if that something inside me that wanted me to change, was the only thing that ever needed to change?

The inner critic wanted change. It said to me, “I am ugly.”

Remember, earlier?

I now ask that voice, to listen more. Listen to beauty. Listen to love. Listen to Jesus. Listen to God.

God will always praise us as His wonderful children.

In Union with God, we are surrounded by positive affirmations and Love, Truth, Peace, Grace, and even compliments given to us by our closest friends, strangers, family.

The smallest words can make the biggest impact, if we allow them to.

“You are absolutely beautiful today,” I say to all of me.

I access the part of me who thought of me as ugly. I looked right into its eyes and said,

“You might not think that we are beautiful all the time, and you catch all of these little flaws. What you have to say to me is mean and hurtful. I ask now that God rescue me from your pain, your jealousy of others, your insecurities. Lord, Savior, Lead me back into your Great, Loving, Sacred arms where I am free to feel wonderful about this physical vessel of yours.”

A weight lifted off of me.

I’m ripping someone’s best friend apart, when I say mean things to myself.

I’m criticizing someone’s only daughter when I hurt me.  

I have to stop hurting me, when I am someone that means so much to so many.

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If there happens to be a scene in your life that you wish you had never seen, I hope that whatever you’re seeing in this present moment, can shine beyond all that has ever stood tall and dark to cloud this glorious Light that you are.

You are a Light of beauty and grace.

Your Light shines through everyone’s face.

God’s Light lives inside each one of us, including me, and when someone calls us beautiful, let us promise now to no longer disagree.

you can make beautiful art…

while falling apart.

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Who Are We

Poetry I am
in my mind
I can

do

everything.

Sweet melody
within me,
won’t you come out to be seen?

Melody
every part of me
breathes golden brown

burned.
Turned.
Transformed.

We are the last of the bruised

the last of the shackled
writers of a new way
we are carriers and all I can say is

Yes
Yes 
I can sing my melody

Yes 
Yes
I am ready to show the world
who it is that is truly, fully free. 

Power, flow through us, easy

Love, flow through us, freely

Money, come and be, come and release, come and play

Come and play

Return today

To who we truly are

To who we truly are

I’m Home.

These people that break our hearts are real people. They have histories and beliefs and wants and needs. When we want love from someone else, and aren’t getting it, we dehumanize them. We speak about them, calling out what is wrong or lacking in them, because of course there must be something wrong or lacking in them if they can’t or don’t want to love us. I used to do this. But there was never anything wrong with them, there was never anything wrong with me. None of it ever meant anything. It was just a scene in the movie of my life and the only reason it hurt so bad was because I was using my mental power to attempt to rewrite a scene that had already aired on the screen of life. Mentally molding myself and the person who didn’t love me enough to fit an idea of what should have happened between us was destroying me. With all of my energy tied up in the past energy exchanges that occurred between us, I was blind to any other possibilities for our future. This behavior was what caused me the pain, not the man, or the heartbreak, or the loss of a person, but the mere resistance to what is the present moment reality. That is the only thing that can ever truly cause suffering in this world. All suffering ends when there is acceptance found in what is here in the one present moment. If I can’t find acceptance in the present moment, I can just be here and experience the emotions that are true in the space between me and my coming into union with acceptance. Eventually, witnessing it move through and out of my consciousness. Yet, not being here for that reason at all. The emotions are simply here to pass through. I know I came into existence for my experience, the one I have here and now. Life will move, within my seasons of surrender to full experiences of it.

Light of the Holy World

I look at pictures of myself and think, “wow. That girl deserves everything.”

Not in a conceded way.

Not in a selfish way.

I think of myself in this way, because I know how much I’ve been through.

I let go of what this world has given me in the past, and I focus on what is given to me in this moment.

I knew what I would be doing for this world, in the future and that I needed to be here.

There were so many times that I wanted to quit.

But, here I am.

Still.

Rising from nothing. Moving. Choosing myself and choosing love, even when I feel judged for doing so. I chose solitude over empty connections. I waited until I had something more to pour. All along, God kept me breathing. That was how I knew I mattered, because I was breathing. I didn’t remain in the light the entire time. I lost myself, I did. But I always came back. I was always welcomed wholeheartedly. The people of the earth have navigated the worlds deadliest, darkest events, and still, we chose to have love within us. We choose to love our creator, ourselves, the people around us, and planet earth even in great pain.

With all of this light and unconditional love in our hearts, we were now unstoppable.

We went through the tests, victorious.

In the past, I didn’t understand what it was, or what it was for. But still, I trusted that one day I would know how to use it.

That day, has finally come.

I promised the Universe that I would be ready when that day would come.

Here it is.

I deserve every single ounce of good that comes my way, don’t ever think otherwise. I worked for this. I earned this. It was never easy, until I decided it could be. It was never fun, until I let it all in.

Now, and forever, I deserve all the light in the world, I deserve all I desire to have.

I am One with the Light of the Holy World.

I breathe the highest blessings into this New Holy World, and Every One Here with me.

This is a new era.

Hey Universe

It’s been a while since I’ve grandly expressed my love to you. I’ve been going through a change of heart. There have been so many unexpected things happening. I also haven’t exactly been experiencing what I’ve been in communication with you about receiving. Or at least it seems that way. Those are the times when I lash out on you. Those are the times when I pull away. And I know you feel it. I know how much it hurts you when I lose my faith and trust in you. Please know I’m not intentionally trying to hurt us. I want our bond to be strong. I want to get better at unconditionally loving you. I really do.

Today, you’ve outdone yourself. I see how perfectly placed everything is for me, it’s one of those days where I have truly been surrounded by so much beauty, and gifted in infinite ways. On a day like today, it is so easy to love you. I can’t help but share that with you through our special way of communicating. I’ve missed this. I’ve missed us. I want to learn to love you even when you’re not at your best. When you’re hard on me about my choices, I want to still love you. When you’re taking me somewhere, but won’t tell me where, I want to love you. When you bring people into my life who don’t know you like I do, when I have to listen to them talk down on your ways, universe, I want to stay in love with you in those moments more than anything.

Living a life in love with you has been more rewarding than I’ve ever asked for. You’ve given me life, in a way that nothing else ever will. Beyond everything I receive from you, you’re just mesmerizing. To live in a relationship with you is more than a blessing. I want you to know how committed I am to growing in love with you. 

Universe, my beautiful treasure, I am here for the long game, I’m here to learn, I’m committed to loving you greater and greater every day.

Love, Christina Ariana, your star child.

Finding Center

One of the best feelings that I ever experience, is the feeling of full support. I found this space tonight, I came to my yoga mat, sat cross legged, dove into the moment with a deep breath, and felt completely held by Grace. I felt where my body and the yoga mat met, they almost merged into one. I allowed my sitz bones to fall into the earth, to open up, and my awareness traveled to the ever present knowing, the knowing that I am always fully supported.

I am by no means a yogi, my yoga practice has been like and on and off relationship since our first meeting. And by no means is yoga the only source of this feeling of Divine support.

I did feel the call tonight from my body to get onto my mat and I was rewarded greatly for my answer to the call.

During the session, the instructor said, “It is very easy in this life to rush from one thing to the next. What most of us forget to do is just pause for a moment and feel into what we are doing. If you do pause, then you will notice… is this good for me? Is this working for me? Does my body like this? Does it not? Am I just doing this because everyone else is, or do I really need this?”

Am I just doing this because everyone else is?

Do I really need this?

These questions rang a few times in my mind.

I resonate so deeply with those questions, because I find myself asking my clients similar inquires. With so much information and resources, so many choices in our world, it is often difficult to decipher between what we really need, and what we think we need. Yet, even beyond that, the reality is… that we don’t need anything at all.

We are fully supported.

So ask yourself, who/what am I following when I choose what I choose? Am I following my mind? my body? my soul? or my emotions? What illusion of a need am I attempting to fulfill. If I know that I don’t need anything, why do I feel this way?

For me, it is only in a state of alignment (mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally) that I feel that I take forward action. It is the connection to my intuition that I achieve in this state that leads me to feel as though I am in full control of my life. I can then fully trust the world around me to work in my favor. When I’m out of alignment with one area — my mind, my body, my emotions, or my spiritual self, I feel as though I can’t make any choice on my own. I move into my alignment, give my body, mind, emotions, or soul, what is needed before making any moves. Without my true center, I fall into the role of a follower, I fall asleep at the wheel of my own life, at the mercy of any voice outside of me, with no inner knowing of what is beneficial for me.

Alignment is much easier to be in than we have been taught. It is always within us, we are always there, we just have to dig away everything that tells us we are out of it.

“Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance.”

Brian Tracy

I hope you feel a connection to your own center– your own ability to just be.

With Love, your alignment guide