It’s me again.
Here
standing in front of the mirror
looking at her.
“I am ugly,” I think to her.
The next thing I think to myself is about hair.
I look with eyes that wish it to be different, I wished the hair would look ‘better’.
And in that thought, for just a moment, I watch myself turn away from the Love that I know I have for me.
One moment away from Love, is one moment too many.
As I open myself to receive Truth, the One voice within me is here.
“What if you’re tearing down someone else’s beautiful?” The voice says.
“What?” I ask.
“What if later, when you walk down the street, this hair is the most beautiful hair that someone else has ever seen?
And here you are, denying that.”
What if I’m tearing down someone else’s beautiful?
Something shifted.
What if I was tearing up God’s beautiful?
By God’s grace, this body I am existing in has been formed.
Who was I to question His artistry?
Many of my friends in my life have told me that I was beautiful and I have always been told wonderful compliments. My family thinks I am beautiful too. God shares delight with me, about the body He created for me.
To continue to participate in this criticism towards the physical beauty of this body was to choose to fight against the thoughts and words of my friends and family. That would hurt. What would hurt more, would be to deny God’s perspective of me.
A battle against the most loving perceptions I know, is a battle I no longer entertain.
It was time to stop allowing this mind to receive words that have never truly been said to me before. I had to stop putting hatred of myself on repeat, and love in the backseat. I wanted to start listening, really listening to God, and His Holy Truth.
Was the voice inside of me that wanted my hair to change worth believing?
What if that something inside me that wanted me to change, was the only thing that ever needed to change?
The inner critic wanted change. It said to me, “I am ugly.”
Remember, earlier?
I now ask that voice, to listen more. Listen to beauty. Listen to love. Listen to Jesus. Listen to God.
God will always praise us as His wonderful children.
In Union with God, we are surrounded by positive affirmations and Love, Truth, Peace, Grace, and even compliments given to us by our closest friends, strangers, family.
The smallest words can make the biggest impact, if we allow them to.
“You are absolutely beautiful today,” I say to all of me.
I access the part of me who thought of me as ugly. I looked right into its eyes and said,
“You might not think that we are beautiful all the time, and you catch all of these little flaws. What you have to say to me is mean and hurtful. I ask now that God rescue me from your pain, your jealousy of others, your insecurities. Lord, Savior, Lead me back into your Great, Loving, Sacred arms where I am free to feel wonderful about this physical vessel of yours.”
A weight lifted off of me.
I’m ripping someone’s best friend apart, when I say mean things to myself.
I’m criticizing someone’s only daughter when I hurt me.
I have to stop hurting me, when I am someone that means so much to so many.
If there happens to be a scene in your life that you wish you had never seen, I hope that whatever you’re seeing in this present moment, can shine beyond all that has ever stood tall and dark to cloud this glorious Light that you are.
You are a Light of beauty and grace.
Your Light shines through everyone’s face.
God’s Light lives inside each one of us, including me, and when someone calls us beautiful, let us promise now to no longer disagree.
Christina Ariana 