Holy Words For Earth

Despair fills the room.

It is as though you are blind

unable to see my light.

With your Spirit in a bind

and the pain, a unique kind,

you ask to be released.

Who is the one who releases you?

What is it that they must do?

Must they fight a demon?

Must they cast the past away?

What is it for you that you need to see?

What is it for you, for you to be set free?

Tell me, and it will be delivered today.

---

Wipe me clean

Let all that is seen

In darkness

Be light

God, allow me to borrow your strength, your might

In that I might become more like you

Strong like you

Clear minded like you

Open hearted like you

Let me be yours

Let me be strength

---

My brothers and sisters are in the grip of the devil and I call on my Father to save them. My Father is a being of pure love and light. My Father is a being of great strength and might. I cannot live to see more suffering on this earth without taking action in the light any longer. I’ve gotten stronger and it is time for the world to see it. I have a voice, and it is time I release it. Let peace and joy be heard among all nations.

---

I’ve been gifted with holy rage

I see the world around me in fear

Let me be clear

We must connect more

We must explore the hearts and minds of others

We are sister and brothers

Why are we afraid of one another?

Why are afraid?

The Warrior

The way I see it, 
the warrior inside of me
has always been there.

Just pushed down.
Deep inside, her power was kept hidden and guarded.
Waiting for a day when the coast would be clear.

She was buried under criticism,
held down by “not enough” and “can’t”.
She fell into the game of playing small 

following those who lived on this land before her.
But the universe had bigger plans for this warrior,
it was time for her to answer the call.

On one hand, it hasn’t been so bad down here.
She made herself comfortable.
She smiled when she was asked how she was.

She made peace with the dark world that she created. 
Even though she knew it was not what she was truly capable of
there would be more for her to receive because 

she couldn’t stay there forever.
She was running out of air.
Every second she spent held back from potential felt like a century.

She had a kingdom waiting for her.
A throne to pursue.
It is the warrior inside us all who is here to win the world, you see.

So, choose to set this warrior free.
To stop denying her of her innate ability to fly.
Her wings hold more power than anyone will ever comprehend.

She may often be misunderstood.
But better that, than hidden and denied.
The warrior inside is ready to fly.

A New Story Begins

Newly awakened to the power of the life inside of me, I can’t help but regret not knowing myself in this way sooner. I watch and listen as creation starts from inside of me and becomes my reality. 

It’s a habit at this point. Every few days or so, there is a new idea for a movie or book happening from that space. It can happen anywhere, at any time. Delight, real delight comes true to me as the start of a new story begins. The movie script pours into me, characters, storyline, title, and all. Some days, I watch as multiple scenes are acted out. Others, a book is written, published, and shared with the world. It’s magic. I’ve lost myself in the ways of my inner voice. I’ve quit my job, sold my things, and bought a one way ticket to France all because of her. I’ve lived in Florida all my life. Is this what happens when you actually love and care about what’s happening inside of yourself? For 24 years of my life, I’ve lived without knowledge of the power of my inner voice. Someone taught me that it was my conscience and that it could tell me what’s right and what’s wrong. Rarely does my inner voice ever have concerns with telling me what is, however she did share with me that the idea that the only thing inside me was a conscience that told me what was right and wrong, was wrong. What was inside of me, was not an it, it was definitely a she. She could do much more than discern between right and wrong. After traveling the long journey my life has been to come to value this voice, I was ready to receive space to actually witness, hear, and understand this voice. I liked what she had to say, I loved her creations, and the people around me… were distracting me. It was a habit of mine, one I couldn’t discern if it was a good one or a bad one, to put other people above me. I would do anything and everything I could to make the people around me happy. I didn’t want to live like that anymore, but at the same time, I didn’t want to live life serving my own happiness either. I wondered if it was right to be a servant to this inner guide. Or would I learn to serve nothing, to just be? Knowledge of the power within hasn’t exactly given me access to all of the answers like I always thought it would. I didn’t know where I fit in this life and I still didn’t know where the people around me fit into my life either. If they weren’t above me, telling me what to do and how to be, where in my life did they belong? I wasn’t sure. What I was sure of, as I was on my way to entering my 26th year on this earth, was that this was the year that I wanted to see this tiny part of me truly grow. I wanted to see her fully expressed, valued, respected, and loved. She deserved it. I had been blind to the value of this connection to myself for years. It wasn’t until I completely lost contact in 2022, that I recognized that this connection had any value to me. After 2 weeks in Mexico without meditation and with an emotionally abusive boyfriend, I couldn’t hear myself anymore. Were there other people living on this earth without their own inner guidance? If so, how did they survive? I was struggling to. It was hell to live without my inner voice. I started to wonder how many people around me had it, and how many didn’t. I also started to wonder about myself. I had been experiencing something really good going on inside of me, how long had it been there? And how would I get it back?

To Every Personality I Have Ever Clung To

To every personality I have every clung to, thank you.

You come into my world

A beautiful girl

A talented girl

Wise girl

Strong girl

Girl who works out

Girl who loves smoothies

Girl who loves dating

Girl, girl, girl

I can try forever to be one

but, I’m not.

I’m waking up to all that I am beyond all of the personalities, a reality where I am liberated from being “myself”.

Being “myself” has been painful, exhausting, thrilling, exciting, a journey I have loved deeply, but finally

life takes me into this new moment without any concept of who I am.

No vision to live into, but the vision of full expression of the self that is here in this moment

there is no need for me to be anyone I am not

and no expectation to return into who I once was.

Here I am

a person

a soul occupying a body

new

bright

and I might never feel this way again

or I might feel this way all the time.

The point is that in this moment, I’m not controlling anything. I’m let off. Released. Broken, like the egg shell that holds the golden yolk.

We would starve, if we never let ourselves get devoured, and transformed.

impossible what?

How could your dream be “impossible” when the only reason you can possibly have the dream or idea is because what you are dreaming of is happening through you right now?

Remember your quantum existence?

God and Us

It’s me again.

Here

standing in front of the mirror

looking at her.

“I am ugly,” I think to her.

The next thing I think to myself is about hair.

I look with eyes that wish it to be different, I wished the hair would look ‘better’.

And in that thought, for just a moment, I watch myself turn away from the Love that I know I have for me.

One moment away from Love, is one moment too many.

As I open myself to receive Truth, the One voice within me is here.

“What if you’re tearing down someone else’s beautiful?” The voice says.

“What?” I ask.

“What if later, when you walk down the street, this hair is the most beautiful hair that someone else has ever seen?

And here you are, denying that.”

What if I’m tearing down someone else’s beautiful?

Something shifted.

What if I was tearing up God’s beautiful?

By God’s grace, this body I am existing in has been formed.

Who was I to question His artistry?

Many of my friends in my life have told me that I was beautiful and I have always been told wonderful compliments. My family thinks I am beautiful too. God shares delight with me, about the body He created for me.

To continue to participate in this criticism towards the physical beauty of this body was to choose to fight against the thoughts and words of my friends and family. That would hurt. What would hurt more, would be to deny God’s perspective of me.

A battle against the most loving perceptions I know, is a battle I no longer entertain.

It was time to stop allowing this mind to receive words that have never truly been said to me before. I had to stop putting hatred of myself on repeat, and love in the backseat. I wanted to start listening, really listening to God, and His Holy Truth.

Was the voice inside of me that wanted my hair to change worth believing?

What if that something inside me that wanted me to change, was the only thing that ever needed to change?

The inner critic wanted change. It said to me, “I am ugly.”

Remember, earlier?

I now ask that voice, to listen more. Listen to beauty. Listen to love. Listen to Jesus. Listen to God.

God will always praise us as His wonderful children.

In Union with God, we are surrounded by positive affirmations and Love, Truth, Peace, Grace, and even compliments given to us by our closest friends, strangers, family.

The smallest words can make the biggest impact, if we allow them to.

“You are absolutely beautiful today,” I say to all of me.

I access the part of me who thought of me as ugly. I looked right into its eyes and said,

“You might not think that we are beautiful all the time, and you catch all of these little flaws. What you have to say to me is mean and hurtful. I ask now that God rescue me from your pain, your jealousy of others, your insecurities. Lord, Savior, Lead me back into your Great, Loving, Sacred arms where I am free to feel wonderful about this physical vessel of yours.”

A weight lifted off of me.

I’m ripping someone’s best friend apart, when I say mean things to myself.

I’m criticizing someone’s only daughter when I hurt me.  

I have to stop hurting me, when I am someone that means so much to so many.

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If there happens to be a scene in your life that you wish you had never seen, I hope that whatever you’re seeing in this present moment, can shine beyond all that has ever stood tall and dark to cloud this glorious Light that you are.

You are a Light of beauty and grace.

Your Light shines through everyone’s face.

God’s Light lives inside each one of us, including me, and when someone calls us beautiful, let us promise now to no longer disagree.

you can make beautiful art…

while falling apart.

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Change in Heart

“It’s okay to feel sad when you’re going through a break-up,” I say to myself, as I take a deep breath a let my heart settle. Love. Partnership. A few months ago, I wanted those things more than anything else in this world. I know I deserve those things, and that I’m good for those things. The opportunities that I have to fall in love with someone else are overflowing. It’s easy for me, to appreciate men and it’s easy for them to appreciate me too. I fall in love with their patterns, the way they feel deeply, the way their minds work, how they spend their time, what they’re passionate about. I love how badly they want to care for others and support others. Now, I know not every man is like this, but these are the men I’ve known, and the men I have fallen in love with, in the past.

Most recently, I fell in love with an older man with two kids. I made the mistake of misjudging my ability to be cautious. I thought I was being cautious. I thought I was asking the right questions, but this connection took me exactly where I was afraid I would go. The place I’m afraid of is a type of certainty. The type of certainty that I’m speaking on makes you feel like the man you’re in love with is the last and only man you will ever love like the way you’re loving him right now. I got to that place quickly with this man.

We met on December third, on a boat. To be completely honest, when I first met him, I was confused by his energy. He wasn’t someone who gave off open, high, or loving energy at all. But, when I looked into his eyes, I was in touch with the same still presence I often resided in before bed and in the morning, in my meditation. I was curious. How was it that I felt so resistant to being close to this man, yet when our eyes locked, getting close to him seemed like the best thing to do?

With our connection growing quickly, I tried to stay as present as I could with God, and with time when I was with this man. I wanted this connection to be protected from my past. I wanted this connection to be good for me. Which I could say that everything is good for me, it’s life, created by God, it always has a purpose. But still, I just wanted it to have the space for this connection be different, fresh, and ultimately better than my past experiences. I thought I had to control life in order to experience the life that I wanted. Do you smell my lack of trust in God’s path coming off the screen??? I felt that in order to control the trajectory of this connection, that presence was key. What I was missing in all of this, was trust. I took on all of the weight of navigating this new part of my life as if I was the creator of it. I thought I was following new patterns… like waiting to sleep with him, asking more questions about him, consciously growing our connection, focusing on getting to know him, as a human being. I thought I knew exactly how to navigate this new love. But without trust in God, knowledge was nothing.

Over time, I lost focus on getting to know God. It was difficult to notice, because it happened so slowly. This man began to take up so much space in my heart, and I had so much focus on attaining what I thought would be the most special experience in my life, that I lost the thing that was truly the most special thing to me, my relationship with my creator. When I was introduced to two of this man’s best friends, I felt like our connection would definitely be long term. I began to develop a false sense of security. He wanted to introduce me to his kids soon, too.

Things were moving fast, faster than we both expected. On December 17th, after an emotionally difficult experience with my Mother, with whom I’ve had a complicated relationship with my entire life, this man and I went to Busch Gardens together. I was excited to forget about what had happened in the afternoon and do something fun. Why not make it even more fun with some sativa/Delta 8? The night was hazy. I threw up. I had unprotected sex that I wouldn’t exactly describe as consensual. But because of the way I felt about this man, I assumed we would have had sex in the future anyways. I let the night go. I wanted to move on. I didn’t want to see that things were headed in a negative direction.

Over the next two weeks, I couldn’t find any sort of calm. One moment I was completely anxious, the next I was detached and numb. I was spiraling. It was during this time that I felt God call me to spend the New Year’s Eve weekend in solitude. It was also conveniently during this time that I was asked to spend the weekend with these new people in my life. New Years Eve weekend was a weekend of alcohol, sex, delta 8, more alcohol, and other drugs, and now we’re here. I touched the lowest places my energy has every occupied in my life, and I know it was needed. I believe that God needed to wake me up to what’s really important in this life. Protecting my health is something I need to invite God to do for me. Protecting my brain, my mind, my perception is something I need to invite God to do for me. Protecting my heart, is something Jesus will do if I just let him hold my heart, instead of clutching onto it myself. I needed to place my trust in Him, to lean not on my own understanding.

⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

I feel so changed from what I just experienced. So, in a way, I am grateful for the heartbreak I’m moving though, because God is now a bigger part of my life than I have ever seen Him be. I don’t waste my breath anymore on skipping over the truth. I know that I won’t compromise my character again. It’s okay to feel sad when you’re going through a break-up. It’s also okay to feel grateful, at peace, and relieved. There is so much to feel. I’m grateful God has gifted me with the opportunity to be alive with all of this. This life of mine is precious to me, and now, I know for sure, how precious my life is to Him too. There’s a plan for all of us, and God is always, always here.

Who Are We

Poetry I am
in my mind
I can

do

everything.

Sweet melody
within me,
won’t you come out to be seen?

Melody
every part of me
breathes golden brown

burned.
Turned.
Transformed.

We are the last of the bruised

the last of the shackled
writers of a new way
we are carriers and all I can say is

Yes
Yes 
I can sing my melody

Yes 
Yes
I am ready to show the world
who it is that is truly, fully free. 

Power, flow through us, easy

Love, flow through us, freely

Money, come and be, come and release, come and play

Come and play

Return today

To who we truly are

To who we truly are

I’m Home.

These people that break our hearts are real people. They have histories and beliefs and wants and needs. When we want love from someone else, and aren’t getting it, we dehumanize them. We speak about them, calling out what is wrong or lacking in them, because of course there must be something wrong or lacking in them if they can’t or don’t want to love us. I used to do this. But there was never anything wrong with them, there was never anything wrong with me. None of it ever meant anything. It was just a scene in the movie of my life and the only reason it hurt so bad was because I was using my mental power to attempt to rewrite a scene that had already aired on the screen of life. Mentally molding myself and the person who didn’t love me enough to fit an idea of what should have happened between us was destroying me. With all of my energy tied up in the past energy exchanges that occurred between us, I was blind to any other possibilities for our future. This behavior was what caused me the pain, not the man, or the heartbreak, or the loss of a person, but the mere resistance to what is the present moment reality. That is the only thing that can ever truly cause suffering in this world. All suffering ends when there is acceptance found in what is here in the one present moment. If I can’t find acceptance in the present moment, I can just be here and experience the emotions that are true in the space between me and my coming into union with acceptance. Eventually, witnessing it move through and out of my consciousness. Yet, not being here for that reason at all. The emotions are simply here to pass through. I know I came into existence for my experience, the one I have here and now. Life will move, within my seasons of surrender to full experiences of it.