Newly awakened to the power of the life inside of me, I can’t help but regret not knowing myself in this way sooner. I watch and listen as creation starts from inside of me and becomes my reality.
It’s a habit at this point. Every few days or so, there is a new idea for a movie or book happening from that space. It can happen anywhere, at any time. Delight, real delight comes true to me as the start of a new story begins. The movie script pours into me, characters, storyline, title, and all. Some days, I watch as multiple scenes are acted out. Others, a book is written, published, and shared with the world. It’s magic. I’ve lost myself in the ways of my inner voice. I’ve quit my job, sold my things, and bought a one way ticket to France all because of her. I’ve lived in Florida all my life. Is this what happens when you actually love and care about what’s happening inside of yourself? For 24 years of my life, I’ve lived without knowledge of the power of my inner voice. Someone taught me that it was my conscience and that it could tell me what’s right and what’s wrong. Rarely does my inner voice ever have concerns with telling me what is, however she did share with me that the idea that the only thing inside me was a conscience that told me what was right and wrong, was wrong. What was inside of me, was not an it, it was definitely a she. She could do much more than discern between right and wrong. After traveling the long journey my life has been to come to value this voice, I was ready to receive space to actually witness, hear, and understand this voice. I liked what she had to say, I loved her creations, and the people around me… were distracting me. It was a habit of mine, one I couldn’t discern if it was a good one or a bad one, to put other people above me. I would do anything and everything I could to make the people around me happy. I didn’t want to live like that anymore, but at the same time, I didn’t want to live life serving my own happiness either. I wondered if it was right to be a servant to this inner guide. Or would I learn to serve nothing, to just be? Knowledge of the power within hasn’t exactly given me access to all of the answers like I always thought it would. I didn’t know where I fit in this life and I still didn’t know where the people around me fit into my life either. If they weren’t above me, telling me what to do and how to be, where in my life did they belong? I wasn’t sure. What I was sure of, as I was on my way to entering my 26th year on this earth, was that this was the year that I wanted to see this tiny part of me truly grow. I wanted to see her fully expressed, valued, respected, and loved. She deserved it. I had been blind to the value of this connection to myself for years. It wasn’t until I completely lost contact in 2022, that I recognized that this connection had any value to me. After 2 weeks in Mexico without meditation and with an emotionally abusive boyfriend, I couldn’t hear myself anymore. Were there other people living on this earth without their own inner guidance? If so, how did they survive? I was struggling to. It was hell to live without my inner voice. I started to wonder how many people around me had it, and how many didn’t. I also started to wonder about myself. I had been experiencing something really good going on inside of me, how long had it been there? And how would I get it back?
Christina Ariana 