Holy Words For Earth

Despair fills the room.

It is as though you are blind

unable to see my light.

With your Spirit in a bind

and the pain, a unique kind,

you ask to be released.

Who is the one who releases you?

What is it that they must do?

Must they fight a demon?

Must they cast the past away?

What is it for you that you need to see?

What is it for you, for you to be set free?

Tell me, and it will be delivered today.

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Wipe me clean

Let all that is seen

In darkness

Be light

God, allow me to borrow your strength, your might

In that I might become more like you

Strong like you

Clear minded like you

Open hearted like you

Let me be yours

Let me be strength

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My brothers and sisters are in the grip of the devil and I call on my Father to save them. My Father is a being of pure love and light. My Father is a being of great strength and might. I cannot live to see more suffering on this earth without taking action in the light any longer. I’ve gotten stronger and it is time for the world to see it. I have a voice, and it is time I release it. Let peace and joy be heard among all nations.

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I’ve been gifted with holy rage

I see the world around me in fear

Let me be clear

We must connect more

We must explore the hearts and minds of others

We are sister and brothers

Why are we afraid of one another?

Why are afraid?

A New Story Begins

Newly awakened to the power of the life inside of me, I can’t help but regret not knowing myself in this way sooner. I watch and listen as creation starts from inside of me and becomes my reality. 

It’s a habit at this point. Every few days or so, there is a new idea for a movie or book happening from that space. It can happen anywhere, at any time. Delight, real delight comes true to me as the start of a new story begins. The movie script pours into me, characters, storyline, title, and all. Some days, I watch as multiple scenes are acted out. Others, a book is written, published, and shared with the world. It’s magic. I’ve lost myself in the ways of my inner voice. I’ve quit my job, sold my things, and bought a one way ticket to France all because of her. I’ve lived in Florida all my life. Is this what happens when you actually love and care about what’s happening inside of yourself? For 24 years of my life, I’ve lived without knowledge of the power of my inner voice. Someone taught me that it was my conscience and that it could tell me what’s right and what’s wrong. Rarely does my inner voice ever have concerns with telling me what is, however she did share with me that the idea that the only thing inside me was a conscience that told me what was right and wrong, was wrong. What was inside of me, was not an it, it was definitely a she. She could do much more than discern between right and wrong. After traveling the long journey my life has been to come to value this voice, I was ready to receive space to actually witness, hear, and understand this voice. I liked what she had to say, I loved her creations, and the people around me… were distracting me. It was a habit of mine, one I couldn’t discern if it was a good one or a bad one, to put other people above me. I would do anything and everything I could to make the people around me happy. I didn’t want to live like that anymore, but at the same time, I didn’t want to live life serving my own happiness either. I wondered if it was right to be a servant to this inner guide. Or would I learn to serve nothing, to just be? Knowledge of the power within hasn’t exactly given me access to all of the answers like I always thought it would. I didn’t know where I fit in this life and I still didn’t know where the people around me fit into my life either. If they weren’t above me, telling me what to do and how to be, where in my life did they belong? I wasn’t sure. What I was sure of, as I was on my way to entering my 26th year on this earth, was that this was the year that I wanted to see this tiny part of me truly grow. I wanted to see her fully expressed, valued, respected, and loved. She deserved it. I had been blind to the value of this connection to myself for years. It wasn’t until I completely lost contact in 2022, that I recognized that this connection had any value to me. After 2 weeks in Mexico without meditation and with an emotionally abusive boyfriend, I couldn’t hear myself anymore. Were there other people living on this earth without their own inner guidance? If so, how did they survive? I was struggling to. It was hell to live without my inner voice. I started to wonder how many people around me had it, and how many didn’t. I also started to wonder about myself. I had been experiencing something really good going on inside of me, how long had it been there? And how would I get it back?

To Every Personality I Have Ever Clung To

To every personality I have every clung to, thank you.

You come into my world

A beautiful girl

A talented girl

Wise girl

Strong girl

Girl who works out

Girl who loves smoothies

Girl who loves dating

Girl, girl, girl

I can try forever to be one

but, I’m not.

I’m waking up to all that I am beyond all of the personalities, a reality where I am liberated from being “myself”.

Being “myself” has been painful, exhausting, thrilling, exciting, a journey I have loved deeply, but finally

life takes me into this new moment without any concept of who I am.

No vision to live into, but the vision of full expression of the self that is here in this moment

there is no need for me to be anyone I am not

and no expectation to return into who I once was.

Here I am

a person

a soul occupying a body

new

bright

and I might never feel this way again

or I might feel this way all the time.

The point is that in this moment, I’m not controlling anything. I’m let off. Released. Broken, like the egg shell that holds the golden yolk.

We would starve, if we never let ourselves get devoured, and transformed.

you can make beautiful art…

while falling apart.

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In the Presence of my Savior

My ancestors had experienced both—

gut wrenching, heart stopping pain

and ethereal, undeniably thrilling ecstatic joy

as have I.

We have everything here, on earth

pain, misery, sorrow

bliss, joy, happiness.

When we arrive with God, we give up our pain

we give up our misery

we give up our sorrow

we give up any and all control

any and all grief is gone

regret… none

fear… nonexistent

God witnesses all of these things, in us, as His Great omnipresent Eye is on us

yet, when we are with Him, we are gone of any memories of anything other than

Peace

Love

Holiness

Wonder

Awe

and Gratitude.

God is good, all the time.

All the time, God is good.

When I am with God, I am Good.

When I am Good, I am with God.

Who Are We

Poetry I am
in my mind
I can

do

everything.

Sweet melody
within me,
won’t you come out to be seen?

Melody
every part of me
breathes golden brown

burned.
Turned.
Transformed.

We are the last of the bruised

the last of the shackled
writers of a new way
we are carriers and all I can say is

Yes
Yes 
I can sing my melody

Yes 
Yes
I am ready to show the world
who it is that is truly, fully free. 

Power, flow through us, easy

Love, flow through us, freely

Money, come and be, come and release, come and play

Come and play

Return today

To who we truly are

To who we truly are

I’m Home.

These people that break our hearts are real people. They have histories and beliefs and wants and needs. When we want love from someone else, and aren’t getting it, we dehumanize them. We speak about them, calling out what is wrong or lacking in them, because of course there must be something wrong or lacking in them if they can’t or don’t want to love us. I used to do this. But there was never anything wrong with them, there was never anything wrong with me. None of it ever meant anything. It was just a scene in the movie of my life and the only reason it hurt so bad was because I was using my mental power to attempt to rewrite a scene that had already aired on the screen of life. Mentally molding myself and the person who didn’t love me enough to fit an idea of what should have happened between us was destroying me. With all of my energy tied up in the past energy exchanges that occurred between us, I was blind to any other possibilities for our future. This behavior was what caused me the pain, not the man, or the heartbreak, or the loss of a person, but the mere resistance to what is the present moment reality. That is the only thing that can ever truly cause suffering in this world. All suffering ends when there is acceptance found in what is here in the one present moment. If I can’t find acceptance in the present moment, I can just be here and experience the emotions that are true in the space between me and my coming into union with acceptance. Eventually, witnessing it move through and out of my consciousness. Yet, not being here for that reason at all. The emotions are simply here to pass through. I know I came into existence for my experience, the one I have here and now. Life will move, within my seasons of surrender to full experiences of it.

Light of the Holy World

I look at pictures of myself and think, “wow. That girl deserves everything.”

Not in a conceded way.

Not in a selfish way.

I think of myself in this way, because I know how much I’ve been through.

I let go of what this world has given me in the past, and I focus on what is given to me in this moment.

I knew what I would be doing for this world, in the future and that I needed to be here.

There were so many times that I wanted to quit.

But, here I am.

Still.

Rising from nothing. Moving. Choosing myself and choosing love, even when I feel judged for doing so. I chose solitude over empty connections. I waited until I had something more to pour. All along, God kept me breathing. That was how I knew I mattered, because I was breathing. I didn’t remain in the light the entire time. I lost myself, I did. But I always came back. I was always welcomed wholeheartedly. The people of the earth have navigated the worlds deadliest, darkest events, and still, we chose to have love within us. We choose to love our creator, ourselves, the people around us, and planet earth even in great pain.

With all of this light and unconditional love in our hearts, we were now unstoppable.

We went through the tests, victorious.

In the past, I didn’t understand what it was, or what it was for. But still, I trusted that one day I would know how to use it.

That day, has finally come.

I promised the Universe that I would be ready when that day would come.

Here it is.

I deserve every single ounce of good that comes my way, don’t ever think otherwise. I worked for this. I earned this. It was never easy, until I decided it could be. It was never fun, until I let it all in.

Now, and forever, I deserve all the light in the world, I deserve all I desire to have.

I am One with the Light of the Holy World.

I breathe the highest blessings into this New Holy World, and Every One Here with me.

This is a new era.

Free Love

A Poem

Words can be misleading

There are so many meanings

And greetings?

I’m glad your text didn’t have one

I’m glad you can just release your thoughts to me and be undone from tradition, polite recognition

is never required with me

I am a force of Love

And from the rules and bounds,

We are completely

free.

I don’t want to change

I can’t take any words seriously that ask me to rearrange

my heart into one that protects itself

I’ve always given myself

fully to the moment

without thought

and I don’t plan on stopping

this Love I have,

I don’t have to hold it

to give it to myself

I don’t have to ration it.

Be careful who I give it to?

Why would I do that?

With-holding a force that is never ending and unmeasurable

never made sense.

Love has always been overflowing

and always will be.

I trust in Love, unconditionally.

So, I give to everyone, I try my best, in a world where I was taught to only give to a select few.

“Only give to those who give back to you.”

No.

This world is confusing

and I wish we would stop see using, refusing to trust in the truth that we can give

without analysis.

We can give

without loss.

We can share without a care.

It’s Free Love
Free Love
Let’s go there.

Growing Pains (Part Two)

I live in a world where I truly believe that my thoughts create my reality. I work on consciously thinking and speaking about what I wish to experience. Because of this, I find it difficult to communicate with rational thinkers. I feel like I have this sense of trust for life that causes panic in others. My boyfriend didn’t feel as safe as I did in Mexico. I originally imagined I would be running my business from Mexico, finding work there, and connecting with so many people. That intention wasn’t shared with my boyfriend. We fought a lot. The trip lasted two weeks, and when I came back, I was exhausted. Not physically, but spiritually. I felt so disconnected from light, love, goodness, and trust. I felt like I had nothing to depend on. I hated myself. I hated the choices I was making. My bank account was getting lower and lower every day, and so was I. I tried to get back into meditation, but it was a major challenge. What was once an hour of bliss and presence was now complete despair. I also had no connection to my intuition, which made decision making almost impossible.

I lived with my boyfriend’s parents for about a week and spent a lot of time watching movies. We got back into the gym, which felt good. I would have moments of happiness and connection, but then dive back down into lack and separation. I felt like I was this happy, blessed woman, and I wanted to feel that way, yet something inside of me didn’t allow me to.

Feeling weighed down, I brought everyone around me too. I started pointing out things that my boyfriend wasn’t doing, thinking that he was the problem. We decided to take time apart, so I drove to my parent’s home.

Once I was alone, I started to see and feel how far away from myself I was. I started to see how dim I was. I started to miss my light, and was committed to moving back towards it.

There’s this metaphor, one that means a lot to me, that has to do with your purpose. One time when I was thinking about purpose, I thought of the life of a sea turtle. When sea turtles are born, they hatch on the beach and use the light of the moon to travel to the ocean. Sometimes, unfortunately, the baby turtles see the lights of the city and they think that is the moon. They walk towards the city and end up dying in the roads.

I feel like that was what happened to me, in this whole phase of my life. I forgot about the true guiding light within me, and when I was without that light, I thought that a relationship would fulfill me. I was chasing all of the wrong things.

The time that I spend with my parents was the darkest time of my life. I was wrestling with a suicide demon. Something in my mind was audibly telling me to kill myself, even though I truly had no desire to. In times of experiencing this energy through sound, I would have to scream to get it to stop. With that, because of my lack of inner authority and direction, every suggestion my parents made was something I followed and moved towards. I was applying to corporate jobs just for the money. Doing something without my heart, was painful, even though it was something that my parents wanted for me. I knew that I had to move out of their space, I felt like I was going to continually spiral down and latch onto a version of myself I didn’t want to be.

I was presented with an offer from a friend to rend out his extra bedroom for a few months. Again, my mom disapproved, because he was someone that I had dated in the past. It was incredibly frustrating to find connection with my intuition, feel good about a choice, and have it be knocked down by my mom. I was mad at the world, confused on how something that felt so right to me, could seem extremely dangerous and induce fear for my mom. This made me question our connection. How could it be that we disagreed on so many of my decisions that I truly felt good about. This was around the time that there was a claim made about this being ‘rock bottom’, but to me, I was on the up. I was living the hero’s journey. I was taking lead and making gold out of it. Although it looked rough on the outside, I just knew that it was life, beautiful life, being itself, and I had no judgements to make, only actions to take to keep moving forward.

I moved out in February, just before my 25th birthday.

To be continued…